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The Pie And The Patty-Pan
By Helen Beatrix Potter
Pussy-cat sits by the fire--how should she be fair?
In walks the little dog--says "Pussy are you there?
How do you do mistress Pussy? Mistress Pussy, how do you do?"
"I thank you kindly, little dog, I fare as well as you!"
Old Rhyme.
ONCE upon a time there was a
Pussy-cat called Ribby, who
invited a little dog called Duchess
to tea.
"Come in good time, my dear
Duchess," said Ribby's letter, "and
we will have something so very nice.
I am baking it in a pie-dish--a pie-
dish with a pink rim. You never
tasted anything so good! And YOU
shall eat it all! I will eat muffins,
my dear Duchess!" wrote Ribby.
Duchess read the letter and wrote
an answer:--"I will come with
much pleasure at a quarter past four.
But it is very strange. I was just
going to invite you to come here,
to supper, my dear Ribby, to eat
something MOST DELICIOUS."
"I will come very punctually, my
dear Ribby," wrote Duchess; and
then at the end she added--"I hope
it isn't mouse?"
And then she thought that did
not look quite polite; so she scratched
out "isn't mouse" and changed
it to "I hope it will be fine," and
she gave her letter to the postman.
But she thought a great deal
about Ribby's pie, and she read
Ribby's letter over and over again.
"I am dreadfully afraid it WILL be
mouse!" said Duchess to herself--
"I really couldn't, COULDN'T eat
mouse pie. And I shall have to
eat it, because it is a party. And
MY pie was going to be veal and
ham. A pink and white pie-dish!
and so is mine; just like Ribby's
dishes; they were both bought at
Tabitha Twitchit's."
Duchess went into her larder
and took the pie off a shelf and
looked at it.
"It is all ready to put into the
oven. Such lovely pie-crust; and
I put in a little tin patty-pan to
hold up the crust; and I made a
hole in the middle with a fork to
let out the steam--Oh I do wish I
could eat my own pie, instead of a
pie made of mouse!"
Duchess considered and considered
and read Ribby' s letter again--
"A pink and white pie-dish-and
YOU shall eat it all. 'You' means
me--then Ribby is not going to
even taste the pie herself? A pink
and white pie-dish! Ribby is sure
to go out to buy the muffins. . . . .
Oh what a good idea! Why
shouldn't I rush along and put my
pie into Ribby's oven when Ribby
isn't there?"
Duchess was quite delighted
with her own cleverness!
Ribby in the meantime had
received Duchess's answer, and as
soon as she was sure that the little
dog would come--she popped HER
pie into the oven. There were two
ovens, one above the other; some
other knobs and handles were only
ornamental and not intended to
open. Ribby put the pie into the
lower oven; the door was very stiff.
"The top oven bakes too quickly,"
said Ribby to herself. "It is a
pie of the most delicate and tender
mouse minced up with bacon. And
I have taken out all the bones;
because Duchess did nearly choke
herself with a fish-bone last time I
gave a party. She eats a little fast
--rather big mouthfuls. But a
most genteel and elegant little dog
infinitely superior company to
Cousin Tabitha Twitchit."
Ribby put on some coal and
swept up the hearth. Then she
went out with a can to the well,
for water to fill up the kettle.
Then she began to set the room
in order, for it was the sitting-room
as well as the kitchen. She shook
the mats out at the front-door and
put them straight; the hearth-rug
was a rabbit-skin. She dusted the
clock and the ornaments on the
mantelpiece, and she polished and
rubbed the tables and chairs.
Then she spread a very clean
white table-cloth, and set out her
best china tea-set, which she took
out of a wall-cupboard near the
fireplace. The tea-cups were white with
a pattern of pink roses; and the
dinner-plates were white and blue.
When Ribby had laid the table
she took a jug and a blue and white
dish, and went out down the field to
the farm, to fetch milk and butter.
When she came back, she peeped
into the bottom oven; the pie looked
very comfortable.
Ribby put on her shawl and
bonnet and went out again with a
basket, to the village shop to buy a
packet of tea, a pound of lump
sugar, and a pot of marmalade.
And just at the same time,
Duchess came out of HER house, at
the other end of the village.
Ribby met Duchess half-way
own the street, also carrying a
basket, covered with a cloth. They
only bowed to one another; they
did not speak, because they were
going to have a party.
As soon as Duchess had got
round the corner out of sight--she
simply ran! Straight away to
Ribby's house!
Ribby went into the shop and
bought what she required, and
came out, after a pleasant gossip
with Cousin Tabitha Twitchit.
Cousin Tabitha was disdainful
afterwards in conversation--
"A little DOG indeed! Just as if
there were no CATS in Sawrey!
And a PIE for afternoon tea! The
very idea!" said Cousin Tabitha
Twitchit.
Ribby went on to Timothy
Baker's and bought the muffins.
Then she went home.
There seemed to be a sort of
scuffling noise in the back passage,
as she was coming in at the front
door.
"I trust that is not that Pie: the
spoons are locked up, however,"
said Ribby.
But there was nobody there.
Ribby opened the bottom oven door
with some difficulty, and turned the
pie. There began to be a pleasing
smell of baked mouse!
Duchess in the meantime, had
slipped out at the back door.
"It is a very odd thing that
Ribby's pie was NOT in the oven
when I put mine in! And I can t
find it anywhere; I have looked all
over the house. I put MY pie into
a nice hot oven at the top. I could
not turn any of the other handles;
I think that they are all shams,"
said Duchess, "but I wish I could
have removed the pie made of
mouse! I cannot think what she
has done with it? I heard Ribby
coming and I had to run out by the
back door!"
Duchess went home and brushed
her beautiful black coat; and then
she picked a bunch of flowers in
her garden as a present for Ribby;
and passed the time until the clock
struck four.
Ribby--having assured herself
by careful search that there was
really no one hiding in the cupboard
or in the larder--went
upstairs to change her dress.
She put on a lilac silk gown, for
the party, and an embroidered
muslin apron and tippet.
"It is very strange," said Ribby,
"I did not THINK I left that drawer
pulled out; has somebody been
trying on my mittens?"
She came downstairs again, and
made the tea, and put the teapot on
the hob. She peeped again into
the BOTTOM oven, the pie had become
a lovely brown, and it was
steaming hot.
She sat down before the fire to
wait for the little dog. "I am glad
I used the BOTTOM oven," said Ribby,
"the top one would certainly
have been very much too hot. I
wonder why that cupboard door
was open? Can there really have
been some one in the house?"
Very punctually at four o'clock,
Duchess started to go to the party.
She ran so fast through the village
that she was too early, and she had
to wait a little while in the lane
that leads down to Ribby's house.
"I wonder if Ribby has taken
MY pie out of the oven yet?" said
Duchess, "and whatever can have
become of the other pie made of
mouse?"
At a quarter past four to the
minute, there came a most genteel
little tap-tappity. "Is Mrs. Ribston
at home?" inquired Duchess in
the porch.
"Come in! and how do you do,
my dear Duchess?" cried Ribby.
"I hope I see you well?"
"Quite well, I thank you, and
how do YOU do, my dear Ribby?"
said Duchess. "I've brought you
some flowers; what a delicious
smell of pie!"
"Oh, what lovely flowers! Yes,
it is mouse and bacon!"
"Do not talk about food, my
dear Ribby," said Duchess; "what
a lovely white tea-cloth! . . . . Is it
done to a turn? Is it still in the
oven?"
"I think it wants another five
minutes," said Ribby. "Just a
shade longer; I will pour out the
tea, while we wait. Do you take
sugar, my dear Duchess?"
"Oh yes, please! my dear
Ribby; and may I have a lump
upon my nose?"
"With pleasure, my dear Duchess;
how beautifully you beg! Oh,
how sweetly pretty!"
Duchess sat up with the sugar
on her nose and sniffed--
"How good that pie smells! I
do love veal and ham--I mean to
say mouse and bacon----"
She dropped the sugar in
confusion, and had to go hunting under
the tea-table, so did not see which
oven Ribby opened in order to get
out the pie.
Ribby set the pie upon the table;
there was a very savoury smell.
Duchess came out from under
the table-cloth munching sugar,
and sat up on a chair.
"I will first cut the pie for you;
I am going to have muffin and
marmalade," said Ribby.
"Do you really prefer muffin?
Mind the patty-pan!"
"I beg your pardon?" said Ribby.
"May I pass you the marmalade?"
said Duchess hurriedly.
The pie proved extremely toothsome,
and the muffins light and
hot. They disappeared rapidly,
especially the pie!
"I think"--(thought the Duchess
to herself)--"I THINK it would
be wiser if I helped myself to pie;
though Ribby did not seem to notice
anything when she was cutting it.
What very small fine pieces it has
cooked into! I did not remember that
I had minced it up so fine; I suppose
this is a quicker oven than my own."
"How fast
Duchess is
eating!" thought
Ribby to herself,
as she buttered her
fifth muffin.
The pie-dish was emptying
rapidly! Duchess
had had four
helps already, and
was fumbling
with the spoon.
"A little more bacon, my dear
Duchess?" said Ribby.
"Thank you, my dear Ribby; I
was only feeling for the patty-pan."
"The patty-pan? my dear
Duchess?"
"The patty-pan that held up the
pie-crust," said Duchess, blushing
under her black coat.
"Oh, I didn't put one in, my
dear Duchess," said Ribby; "I
don't think that it is necessary in
pies made of mouse."
Duchess fumbled with the spoon
--"I can't find it!" she said
anxiously.
"There isn't a patty-pan," said
Ribby, looking perplexed.
"Yes, indeed, my dear Ribby;
where can it have gone to?" said
Duchess.
"There most certainly is not one,
my dear Duchess. I disapprove of
tin articles in puddings and pies. It
is most undesirable--(especially
when people swallow in lumps!)"
she added in a lower voice.
Duchess looked very much
alarmed, and continued to scoop
the inside of the pie-dish.
"My Great-aunt Squintina
(grandmother of Cousin Tabitha
Twitchit)--died of a thimble in a
Christmas plum-pudding. I never
put any article of metal in MY
puddings or pies."
Duchess looked aghast, and
tilted up the pie-dish.
"I have only four patty-pans,
and they are all in the cupboard."
Duchess set up a howl.
"I shall die! I shall die! I have
swallowed a patty-pan! Oh, my
dear Ribby, I do feel so ill!"
"It is impossible, my dear
Duchess; there was not a patty-pan."
Duchess moaned and whined
and rocked herself about.
"Oh I feel so dreadful. I have
swallowed a patty-pan!"
"There was NOTHING in the pie,"
said Ribby severely.
"Yes there WAS, my dear Ribby,
I am sure I have swallowed it!"
"Let me prop you up with a
pillow, my dear Duchess; where do
you think you feel it?"
"Oh I do feel so ill ALL OVER me,
my dear Ribby; I have swallowed
a large tin patty-pan with a sharp
scalloped edge!"
"Shall I run for the doctor? I
will just lock up the spoons!"
"Oh yes, yes! fetch Dr. Maggotty,
my dear Ribby: he is a Pie
himself, he will certainly understand."
Ribby settled Duchess in an
armchair before the fire, and went
out and hurried to the village to
look for the doctor.
She found him at the smithy.
He was occupied in putting rusty
nails into a bottle of ink, which he
had obtained at the post office.
"Gammon? ha! HA!" said he,
with his head on one side.
Ribby explained that her guest
had swallowed a patty-pan.
"Spinach? ha! HA!" said he,
and accompanied her with alacrity.
He hopped so fast that Ribby--
had to run. It was most conspicuous.
All the village could see that
Ribby was fetching the doctor.
"I KNEW they would over-eat
themselves!" said Cousin Tabitha
Twitchit.
But while Ribby had been hunting
for the doctor--a curious thing
had happened to Duchess, who had
been left by herself, sitting before
the fire, sighing and groaning and
feeling very unhappy.
"How COULD I have swallowed it!
such a large thing as a patty-pan!"
She got up and went to the table,
and felt inside the pie-dish again
with a spoon.
"No; there is no patty-pan, and
I put one in; and nobody has eaten
pie except me, so I must have
swallowed it!"
She sat down again, and stared
mournfully at the grate. The fire
crackled and danced, and something
sizz-z-zled!
Duchess started! She opened the
door of the TOP oven;--out came a
rich steamy flavour of veal and
ham, and there stood a fine brown
pie,--and through a hole in the top
of the pie-crust there was a glimpse
of a little tin patty-pan!
Duchess drew a long breath--
"Then I must have been eating
MOUSE! . . . NO wonder I feel ill.
. . . But perhaps I should feel worse
if I had really swallowed a patty-
pan!" Duchess reflected--"What
a very awkward thing to have
to explain to Ribby! I think
I will put my pie in the back-yard
and say nothing about it. When
I go home, I will run round and
take it away." She put it outside
the back-door, and sat down again
by the fire, and shut her eyes; when
Ribby arrived with the doctor, she
seemed fast asleep.
"Gammon, ha, HA?" said the
doctor.
"I am feeling very much better,"
said Duchess, waking up with a
jump.
"I am truly glad to hear it!"
He has brought you a pill, my dear
Duchess!"
"I think I should feel QUITE well
if he only felt my pulse," said
Duchess, backing away from the
magpie, who sidled up with something
in his beak.
"It is only a bread pill, you had
much better take it; drink a little
milk, my dear Duchess!"
"Gammon? Gammon?" said
the doctor, while Duchess coughed
and choked.
"Don't say that again!" said
Ribby, losing her temper--"Here,
take this bread and jam, and get out
into the yard!"
"Gammon
and spinach!
ha ha HA!"
shouted Dr.
Maggotty
triumphantly outside the back door.
"I am feeling very much better,
my dear Ribby," said Duchess.
"Do you not think that I had better
go home before it gets dark?"
"Perhaps it might be wise, my
dear Duchess. I will lend you a
nice warm shawl, and you shall
take my arm."
"I would not trouble you for
worlds; I feel wonderfully better.
One pill of Dr. Maggotty----"
"Indeed it is most admirable, if
it has cured you of a patty-pan! I
will call directly after breakfast to
ask how you have slept."
Ribby and Duchess said good-
bye affectionately, and Duchess
started home. Half-way up the
lane she stopped and looked back;
Ribby had gone in and shut her
door. Duchess slipped through the
fence, and ran round to the back
of Ribby's house, and peeped into
the yard.
Upon the roof of the pig-stye sat
Dr. Maggotty and three jackdaws.
The jackdaws were eating pie-
crust, and the magpie was drinking
gravy out of a patty-pan.
"Gammon, ha, HA!" he shouted
when he saw Duchess's little black
nose peeping round the corner.
Duchess ran home feeling uncommonly
silly!
When Ribby came out for a pailful
of water to wash up the tea-
things, she found a pink and white
pie-dish lying smashed in the middle
of the yard. The patty-pan
was under the pump, where Dr
Maggotty had considerately left it.
Ribby stared with amazement--
"Did you ever see the like! so there
really WAS a patty-pan? . . . . But
my patty-pans are all in the kitchen
cupboard. Well I never did! . . . .
Next time I want to give a party
--I will invite Cousin Tabitha
Twitchit!"
THE END
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